Updated: Feb 23

Have you ever had troubles with your self worth or self-esteem?

Most people will say a big fat "YES" to this. Many of us have had questions about our self worth in life. Sometimes we wonder what value we bring to others, if we truly matter, what value we bring to the world, etc.

Often we hold ourselves to impossible standards and we forget to give ourselves a pat on the back, to look back to see how far we have come or to appreciate ourselves and celebrate the little things in life.

We've all heard the quote: "One day, looking back, the little things will be the big things."

Well, I think we can choose to start seeing those things as the big things now.

Often we can forget what truly matters to us as individuals because we get sucked into societal conditioning that tells us we have to want what society thinks is right for us.

We get pulled into believing that we should be something else, do something else or have more of something in order to be as valuable and worthy as others.

The truth is that everyone is inherently valuable. Everyone is unconditionally worthy.

It's only questioned because we get hypnotised into believing other people's lies.

Lies that say:

"you have to earn your worth"

"you have to have X amount of wealth to be a valuable person"

"you have to look a certain way before you can love yourself"

"compared to that person you are no good"...

I do believe that you can earn some self-esteem through getting good at something...

Example: A kid with low self-esteem can do a sport like boxing or martial arts for a few years and this will be great for his/her self-esteem. This confidence will often spread into the rest of their life and give them a higher self-esteem.

True self worth/self-esteem is unconditional = needing no conditions.

In life it's easy to get pulled into a never ending cycle of "I'm not good enough until.....".

And same goes for comparison. The people who play the comparison game forget that it never ends....

If you struggle with self worth/self-esteem issues, here are some self coaching questions that might bring your more clarity, more self esteem, more awareness of how to build self-esteem.

Spend a few minutes journaling your answers to each question: Think through each answer and writing down your response and any other thoughts that come with it.

1. How do you know you lack have self worth/self-esteem already? What is telling your this?

2. How will you know when you do have self worth/self-esteem? What will change?

3. What specifically do you want in the area of self worth/self-esteem? What will this look, sound and feel like?

4. What do you believe needs to happen for you to finally be worthy?

5. Does a new born baby need to do anything to be worthy?

6. A baby is unconditionally worthy, right? So, at what age does a person become conditionally worthy? Or are we all always worthy and just forget about it?

7. Who do you compare yourself to? How is their results in life a reflection of your worth?

8. What do you truly need to be truly fulfilled in your life?

This is often a lot less than we have been led to believe Example: for me it's a few high quality friends, health and wellness, daily joy, a steady income, an enjoyable weekly routine, a passion or two, a sense of gratitude for life, etc. What is it for you?

9. Is there anything you are not fully accepting about yourself?

Practicing self acceptance is a foundational skill to self worth/self-esteem.

10. Can you accept yourself completely as you are, now?

Remember that you are human. You're perfectly imperfect like everyone else. Build self acceptance into your daily practice.

11. Who is in charge of your beliefs about yourself?

Take responsibility for nourishing your inner world with empowering yourself with higher quality beliefs about yourself.

12. What beliefs do you have about yourself that are not serving you?

Example: I am not where I "should be", I "could" be better, etc. These beliefs often disguise themselves as "I'm holding you to a high standard" but they are truly only serving as a good way to beat yourself up constantly. What can you replace them with that will be more productive?

13. What do you believe about your life that doesn't feel good?

14. Do these belief serve you? If not, what belief can you replace it with that will support the life you want?

15. What do you want to choose to believe about yourself?

16. What kind of self talk do you engage in? Negative self talk? If yes what does it say?

17. Does this self talk help you or hurt you?

18. What do you genuinely appreciate about yourself? What can you celebrate about yourself?

19. What is important to you about life for you that you are not doing, getting or having?

20. In what areas do you need to have more patience with yourself so you can enjoy the journey more?

I'd love to hear from you. Share any realisation you had doing this exercise, as well as any feedback or questions.

Enjoy the journey,

Luke Bunder

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