11 COMMUNICATION SKILLS TO BUILD RESPECT & TRUST WITH YOUR WIFE OR GIRLFRIEND
Updated: May 3
Why is it important to earn your woman's respect and trust?
Well, first and foremost, a couple in a relationship is a team. A team needs successful collaboration to be successful. And how can you possibly collaborate successfully without respect and trust?
Second, a large majority of women cannot and will not open up sexually if they do not feel safe.
A feeling of safety comes after trust and respect. High-value respect and trust will attract high-value intimacy.
How can you begin to earn respect and trust through quality communication?
(My wife and I in my hometown of Warners Bay, NSW, AUS)
Good communication is crucial for a healthy and happy relationship. It's also crucial if you want your partner to respect and trust you. So let's explore some skills and strategies to help you communicate better with your partner to gain her respect and trust.
1. Presence: Being present with your woman is one of the most critical skills in a relationship. To be present is to look your woman in the eyes while she speaks, while you are totally in the moment, with a solid, calm mind, listening to more than just her words and remaining emotionally solid (emotionally unreactive). Without the ability to be present, you will not have the deepest respect and trust from your woman.
2. Listening to more than just her words: There is MUCH MORE to communication than words. When your woman is speaking to you, if you are present enough, you will be able to hear more than just her words. You will hear her tone of voice, and that will tell you more about how her day was than her words will. You will see her body language, and that will tell you more about her mood than her words will. If you are present, you will know if she is turned on and wants you to come closer, if she is stressed and needs some verbal encouragement and support, or if she is sad and needs a hug. When you develop the ability to listen to more than her words, she will feel more seen, felt, and understood by you, and with that, she will naturally respect and trust you more.
3. Practice active listening: When your woman is speaking, give her your full attention. Don't interrupt her, and try to understand her perspective. Repeat back what she said to confirm you understood her.
4. Use "I" statements: Using "You.." statements come across as accusing or blaming. Instead, use "I" statements to express how you feel. For example, "When you disagree with me in that tone of voice, I don't feel like you are trying to be on my team. I don't feel it is collaborative." Instead of "You always disagree with me in that tone of voice, and I hate it."
5. Be clear and concise: Don't beat around the bush. Be direct and clear with your message.
6. Avoid using sarcasm, criticism, or passive-aggressive behavior: If you want to earn your woman's respect and trust, this one is vital. And I think it's pretty obvious why. A woman will struggle to respect and fully trust a sarcastic man, an overly critical man, and a passive-aggressive man. Men think this is ok because its how they treat their buddies, but your woman is not your buddy, and she will close off to you if you treat her this way.
7. Show empathy and validation: Try to put yourself in your woman's shoes and understand where she is coming from. See things from her perspective. And validate her feelings, even if you disagree with them.
8. Don't try to fix your partner: Jumping to fix and provide solutions is not what your woman wants. If she wants a solution, she will ask for one. She wants you to listen to her with unshakable presence. She wants you to hold space for her. If you jump in to fix her, what she hears from you is, "You are broken and need fixing." When she brings her problems to you (in trust), and you try to fix them, you automatically tell her that she needs fixing, and you break her trust. Even if this is not your intention, this is how she feels. Act accordingly.
9. Take responsibility for your actions: If you have made a mistake, apologize and take full ownership of your actions. This will show your woman that you are committed to the relationship, and she will respect you for it. Even if she gets angry at the moment, if you take responsibility, you will earn her respect. Not taking responsibility for your actions is a great way to lose your woman's trust and respect.
10. Don't ask for sex: Asking for permission to have sex is not sexy and not something that a woman will respect. It also destroys intimacy. So how do you have consensual sex with your woman without asking for it? Listen to the cues of her body. A man who asks for sex is a man who is not present enough to be aware of the cues of his woman. You will feel the need to ask for sex If you are not present enough to notice the cues of your woman's desire. Her body tells you at every moment whether she is ready or open to it. When you are present, If you put your hand on her leg, you will know if she is open to more. If you feel her close off, then lean back and don’t escalate further. Give her the space she needs and time to open. When you only move at the speed of her authentic opening, she will trust you sexually.
11. Making promises you can't keep: This is one of the biggest ones to losing trust and respect. If you tell her something and don’t stick to your word, she will not trust you and will lose respect for you. If you are afraid to say “no” because you just want her to feel good. This is an admirable intention but a quick way to lose her trust. Make a loyal commitment to yourself to never make a promise you cannot keep. If it’s not a promise you can keep, don’t make it and be honest about it with her.
Remember, communication is a two-way street. Encourage your woman to communicate openly and honestly with you as well. With patience, empathy, and understanding, you can build a strong foundation of communication, trust, and respect in your relationship.